“Leadership is not a democracy.”
It was a startling but necessary wake-up call for a Managing Director I recently coached. She had built an impressive career in a global investment firm, was known for her strategic thinking, and had the respect of her peers. But there was one challenge she couldn’t shake - when tough decisions needed to be made, she hesitated. Instead of stepping forward with authority, she defaulted to gathering more input, waiting for consensus, or even, as another leadership coach had once suggested to her, delegating the decision-making entirely to a proxy.
I was stunned by that last part. Having worked with C-suite leaders, heads of state, and high-impact leadership teams, I know that you cannot outsource the responsibility of leadership. There is a difference between empowering others and abdicating responsibility. This client - like so many others I have worked with - wasn’t just struggling with decision-making. She was struggling with owning her role and having the courage to lead.
This problem is far more common than most people realize, even among executives who have reached senior positions. In this article, I want to explore:
Why some leaders struggle to truly step into their authority.
How this reluctance manifests in day-to-day leadership.
The real impact it has on teams and organizations.
What needs to shift for a leader to own their role fully.
I’ll also share real-world coaching examples - both from individual executives and leadership teams - who have grappled with this issue and successfully turned it around.
Why Some Leaders Struggle to Fully Own Their Role
No one sets out to be a hesitant or ineffective leader. The fear of fully embracing leadership often stems from deep-seated psychological drivers and past experiences. Here are some of the most common reasons:
1. A Need for Consensus and Harmony
Some leaders are natural facilitators who thrive on collaboration. While that’s an asset, when taken too far, it leads to decision paralysis because they are afraid of making a call that others might not agree with.
Another client of mine, a Senior VP in a tech company prided himself on his democratic leadership style. Every major decision was put to a vote, and every opinion was considered. While this felt “inclusive,” it led to constant delays, conflicting priorities, and a frustrated executive team. His unwillingness to own the final decision meant the team lacked clarity, and initiatives stalled.
2. Fear of Being Wrong
Many high-achieving executives are perfectionists who fear making the wrong call. They worry about how they will be perceived if their decision doesn’t work out, so they delay or overanalyze.
A CFO at a Fortune 500 company was obsessed with data. Diving deeper into it, we found a pattern where every decision required more spreadsheets, deeper analysis, and one more round of vetting. While her rigor was respected, it created a bottleneck in execution. At one point, her team was stuck waiting six months for approval on a critical investment - costing the company millions in lost opportunity.
3. Past Experiences with Toxic or Overbearing Leadership
Many leaders have worked under authoritarian bosses who made unilateral decisions without input, leading them to overcorrect in their own leadership style. They fear becoming that kind of leader, so they overcompensate by deferring too much.
A COO in a European industrial firm had worked under a domineering CEO early in her career. That experience left her with a strong aversion to conflict. As a result, she avoided enforcing accountability, let underperformers remain in key roles too long, and struggled to have tough conversations with peers. Her leadership team viewed her as approachable but ultimately ineffective in driving results.
4. Imposter Syndrome
Some leaders - particularly those who have risen quickly or taken on a new role - secretly feel like they don’t belong at the table. They over-rely on external validation rather than trusting their instincts.
While working with a newly appointed General Manager in an international retail brand, I found that she constantly sought reassurance from her peers. She second-guessed her own strategies and avoided making high-stakes calls without approval from more senior executives, even though the role demanded autonomy. Over time, this eroded trust in her leadership.
How This Leadership Reluctance Manifests in the Workplace
When a leader fails to own their role, the effects ripple throughout the organization. Here’s what it typically looks like:
Teams are unclear on priorities because decisions keep shifting or aren’t communicated with confidence.
Employees start making their own interpretations of what should be done, leading to misalignment.
High performers disengage because they don’t feel the organization is moving decisively.
Stakeholders lose confidence in the leader’s ability to drive results.
Leadership Team Reset
I worked with the leadership team of a European financial services firm that was completely stuck. Their CEO was a brilliant strategist but hated conflict. Whenever disagreements arose in the executive team, he would let discussions drag on without resolution.
Initiatives stalled.
VPs competed for resources instead of aligning.
Employees were unclear about strategic priorities.
Through team coaching, we addressed the root cause: the CEO’s unwillingness to own his authority. We helped him develop clear decision-making structures, set firm accountability measures, and reframe leadership as a responsibility, not just a privilege. Within months, the team was executing at a much higher level, and engagement scores improved dramatically.
The Cost of Not Owning Your Leadership Role
The consequences of hesitant leadership aren’t just internal - they affect business outcomes: ✔ Lower execution speed → Delayed product launches, lost market opportunities. ✔ Reduced team engagement → High attrition of top talent. ✔ Diminished credibility → Other leaders start bypassing them, reducing influence. ✔ Culture of avoidance → Difficult conversations get swept under the rug.
How to Shift: Developing the Courage to Lead
So, how does a leader go from hesitant to decisive? Here’s what I work on with executives and teams to help them step into leadership with confidence:
1. Define Your Leadership Identity
What kind of leader do you want to be?
What do you stand for?
What leadership habits do you need to develop to align with that?
2. Own Your Decisions
Set clear decision-making principles - not every decision requires consensus.
Use a structured approach: gather input, make a decision, and communicate it confidently.
Accept that not everyone will agree, and that’s okay.
3. Address Mindset Blocks
Work through conflict avoidance tendencies with role-playing and real-world interventions.
Reframe leadership as service and responsibility, not a popularity contest.
Practice assertive communication to reinforce authority.
4. Get the Right Coaching Support
Not all executive coaches are equipped to help with these challenges. Some operate at a surface level, reinforcing existing fears instead of challenging leaders to step up. If you’re choosing a coach, ask:
Do they have real-world executive experience?
Can they navigate the complexities of high-stakes leadership?
Will they challenge you to own your role—or will they encourage avoidance?
Final Thought: Leadership is a Responsibility, Not a Preference
If you’re in a leadership role, you don’t get to decide whether you’ll lead - you already are. The only question is how effectively you will do it.
Owning your role isn’t about being aggressive, loud, or authoritarian. It’s about stepping forward with clarity, conviction, and the courage to make decisions that drive your organization forward.
So, ask yourself: Are you truly leading, or are you waiting for permission?
It’s time to step up.
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